Starbucks Junkies

I hit up Starbucks about once a month. I used to work at 5 AM in the morning so I used to go at least twice a week. During that time I have noticed many things that drive me to slit my wrists. The experience of a Starbucks is unlike any other. You walk in and it's like stepping into another country, replete with a different language and culture.

The people behind the counter are about the most annoying people on Earth. They are always happy. We all know it's not the caffeine, since you never see them actually drink the coffee. I think it's just the end result of Starbucks' other earnings booster, meth. But I won't go into that conspiracy theory here. When you get to the line that is about 6 people deep, you realize there is only one person at a register but 3 to 4 behind the counter. There is also the one girl who simply asks to start a drink for you. No, don't start a drink, start up another register and start taking some cash.

The customers are the bane of society. First off, if you have over 25% body fat, you should not be allowed in. You need a morning pick me up? Go for a jog. Don't come in and ask for a, dear God, Venti Caramel Machiatto Frappacinno with extra caramel shots, whip cream, chocolate sprinkles, and SOY MILK. Do you realize that there are 1,000 calories in that? Or how about the fact you want soy milk. Oh the irony. Then there is the businesswoman who always orders a white chocolate mocha. Then gets upset because it takes too long. Hey bitch, first off, you are here everyday in this same line. Second, you aren't important. Third, if your time is so valuable, make one of your subordinates get the coffee. Which leads to the jerk-off who orders 6 drinks. Buddy, next time, make those lazy asshats at your office get their own coffee.

Which leads to me. All I want is a fucking drip coffee! I would get it at AM/PM if their coffee didn't taste like it was strained through a monkeys ass. All I want is a cup of black drip coffee. Notice that? If your order is longer than three words, then you don't need it. So I go in and wait in the line of buffalos and wannabes. Listening to annoying cell phone calls, tapping feet, and retarded orders. It's amazing that something like coffee would make me do this but if there is no coffee at home, something must be done. Now if I could just get that moron behind the counter to not put the lid on the seam of the cup so that it drips on my shirt.