Thursday, June 19
The Rolling Twinkie
The backpack was a great invention. It allowed us to carry many things long distances without much discomfort. The wheel and Twinkies were also great inventions. One allowed us to push things around and the other allowed us to quickly clog our arteries and Levis. What do they have in common? Because we eat too many Twinkies, we had to add wheels to our backpacks. Was this really necessary? Shouldn’t we be taking wheels OFF the backpacks because we eat too many Twinkies?
Wednesday, June 18
Next Stop.....Hell
This is the tenth time that I have written that it has been awhile since I last wrote something and I promise to do better. As if I broke curfew and you’re my mommy. Well I apologize to no one so I am sorry and promise to do better.
I started taking the train into work for the last month or so. Most people have started doing it to save money on gas and parking. I did it because my life was simply not annoying enough and I enjoy waiting around for a couple hours to get home. Don’t worry I have a lot of stories chambered but I need to space them out since material is not my strong suit. So after waiting over an hour for the train to arrive yesterday, I boarded and sat behind blowhard veteran everyone-cares-about-what-I-have-to-say train guy. Luckily he had already located his next victim and had commenced the mental raping. He fit the mold perfectly with his large see through backpack and Star Trek communicator (Err, I mean Bluetooth). He was the type of guy who talks on the phone in a manner where you cannot tell if he is talking to you or the victim on the other end of the radio wave.
His current victim was desperately fighting the pull but kept getting sucked in. He told her how he was busy keeping track of the time the train was arriving and departing from each stop, and that he had an appointment in the next city. He was also giving her navigation tips for destinations she had already told him she never went to and never would. His appointment was at City Hall. He then proceeded to tell her exactly how he was going to get there when he got off the train and even pointed it out from the train. It’s the building next to the Tower Theater with the numbers “311” on it, in case you were wondering.
By this time I felt so relieved that this poor girl had been thrown to the beast instead of me that I almost missed when he stood up to leave. In what appeared to be slow motion, he rose from his seat and went to leave. This was when I first noticed the see through backpack. Then he reached into the overhead compartment and pulled down the ultimate weapon of destruction. He strapped on the black leather fanny pack and everyone quickly moved to the side to let him by.
I started taking the train into work for the last month or so. Most people have started doing it to save money on gas and parking. I did it because my life was simply not annoying enough and I enjoy waiting around for a couple hours to get home. Don’t worry I have a lot of stories chambered but I need to space them out since material is not my strong suit. So after waiting over an hour for the train to arrive yesterday, I boarded and sat behind blowhard veteran everyone-cares-about-what-I-have-to-say train guy. Luckily he had already located his next victim and had commenced the mental raping. He fit the mold perfectly with his large see through backpack and Star Trek communicator (Err, I mean Bluetooth). He was the type of guy who talks on the phone in a manner where you cannot tell if he is talking to you or the victim on the other end of the radio wave.
His current victim was desperately fighting the pull but kept getting sucked in. He told her how he was busy keeping track of the time the train was arriving and departing from each stop, and that he had an appointment in the next city. He was also giving her navigation tips for destinations she had already told him she never went to and never would. His appointment was at City Hall. He then proceeded to tell her exactly how he was going to get there when he got off the train and even pointed it out from the train. It’s the building next to the Tower Theater with the numbers “311” on it, in case you were wondering.
By this time I felt so relieved that this poor girl had been thrown to the beast instead of me that I almost missed when he stood up to leave. In what appeared to be slow motion, he rose from his seat and went to leave. This was when I first noticed the see through backpack. Then he reached into the overhead compartment and pulled down the ultimate weapon of destruction. He strapped on the black leather fanny pack and everyone quickly moved to the side to let him by.
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