"We're living in a society, people"

I was in the super sized handi stall this morning, enjoying some quality time with the porcelain La-Z-Boy, and the tranquil peace of an empty bathroom when some douche-nipple saddles up to the stall right next to mine. READ THE FUCKING RULES ASSHAT!

http://thisnamenotavailable.blogspot.com/2006_02_13_thisnamenotavailable_archive.html

Holi-Daze

It’s that time of year again. No, not the time to choke down some dry nasty turkey and some funky ass cranberry dessert shit, it’s christmas shopping season. (I have not capitalized it on purpose, the last thing we need right now is more Christ….get it, “Mas Christ”?). I love the holiday seasons, if only for the shopping experience. You see, while celebrating the coming together of families and friends, we make our annual pilgrimage to the mall to knee some blue hair in the tit, while attempting to rip a “Stick your finger up my ass” Elmo out of her crusty, arthritic hands. It’s fantastic. Taking up two parking spots with my beater car so that Jennifer the soccer mom has to park her super extended Suburban out in the asphalt desert. Getting to the toy store and hiding all the Power Rangers in the men’s bathroom stall. Purposely not holding the door open for the bitch with her arms full of crap and stealthily slipping ice cubes into the Salvation Army bucket. I love forcing my kid to the front of the Santa line so that he can blow ass all over Santa’s lap. But I do have one thing that I am very torn about.

How great is it to get a gift card to your favorite store for christmas? You get to go out when everything is on sale, and buy what you want. No one goes and buys an ugly ass sweater or a bundle of socks (Thanks Grammy), they get something cool. Here’s the kicker. Remember when you could spend $45 of a $50 gift card and they gave you $5 back? You could hit up BK on the way home for a little christmas pick me up? Or for you pervs, you could get that $5 in singles and go to the titty bar? What happened to that? Now you either have to spend over the amount on the card or simply throw away the card with $3.78 left on it. What a crock of nacho cheese! Why hasn’t anyone petitioned Congress to force the retailers to give me my fucking change? Why hasn’t there been a class action lawsuit in regards to this. I have heard statistics that over $100 million a year gets made by retailers due to unspent gift card change (Ok, I made that up, but it has to be close.).