Friday, February 9
Thanks
Well today is the one year anniversary of the greatest blog in the world. I wanted to thank everyone for reading over the last year and all the new people in the last few days. Of course I will continue to supply you with new venomous rants on as close to a daily basis as possible. With the new book getting published and a new one already in the works, you will have no shortage of great potty time humor. Enough sentimental crap; keep fighting the good fight and join your local chapter of POOP today.
Thursday, February 8
1 in every 2 People Are Stupid
Did you know that 1 in 5 people have herpes? Did you know that the average man has slept with 19 women and the average woman has slept with 16 men? That means that everyone in the world has been exposed to herpes. Don’t you love stupid nonsense primetime news facts? I have heard that more people die of bee stings per year than shark attacks. I have also heard that no one wins the California Lottery whose last name is Smith. So if you’re white and die of a bee sting, you shouldn’t swim in the ocean but you should play the lottery.
Back to the original thought; If 1 in 5 people have herpes how is it not 1 in 1? So if I go to an NFL game, that means that 15 thousand people there have herpes? So you’re telling me that 50 million people have herpes in America. I understand that herpes isn’t necessarily an STD. You don’t have to have a boil on your bologna. You can have it via cold sores and crap. Still, I don’t see that many people rolling around town with oozing sores on their face.
I propose that either we completely do away with the “1 in whatever” scientific study or we should all be able to use it however we want. So if I want to say that 1 in 2 Americans is a loud mouthed, blowhard, douche nozzle, it should be taken as gospel and shouted from on high. Or if I say that 99 out of every 100 people named Paris Hilton are disgusting, oozing, Petri dishes, then that should be considered true.
Back to the original thought; If 1 in 5 people have herpes how is it not 1 in 1? So if I go to an NFL game, that means that 15 thousand people there have herpes? So you’re telling me that 50 million people have herpes in America. I understand that herpes isn’t necessarily an STD. You don’t have to have a boil on your bologna. You can have it via cold sores and crap. Still, I don’t see that many people rolling around town with oozing sores on their face.
I propose that either we completely do away with the “1 in whatever” scientific study or we should all be able to use it however we want. So if I want to say that 1 in 2 Americans is a loud mouthed, blowhard, douche nozzle, it should be taken as gospel and shouted from on high. Or if I say that 99 out of every 100 people named Paris Hilton are disgusting, oozing, Petri dishes, then that should be considered true.
Wednesday, February 7
POOP: People Offended by Offended People
Isn’t this a great time to be alive? We live in an age where we can do a hundred things at a time and still have some free time to spend 3 hours surfing the internet or writing stupid blogs. I am sure by now everyone has seen the Snickers commercial where two bumbling mechanics try there best to deepthroat the Snickers bar before the other one can eat it. In the process they end up getting their lips stuck together and have to do something manly to make themselves feel better. Now the hypocrite gay rights organizations say that the commercial is prejudice against gays.
Let me break it to you turd burglars. No one gives a shit about your agenda. No one gives a shit about your feelings. And no one gives a shit that you may be offended. If your goal was to get equal rights for gays, you accomplished it years ago. People don’t hate gays. People hate the gay agenda. People are sick of being told they are homophobic because they don’t want to see two furry bears butt fuck each other on primetime television. The fact that I know that there is a term “Bear” for the big guy in the relationship means that you have succeeded. Now leave us alone. We don’t need you to shove your agenda down our throats.
Much like I don’t want to hear about the plight of Muslims in America, women’s rights, or some whiny ass white guy complaining about reverse discrimination. Get over it. You want to be accepted? Then go and lead a normal American life where people keep to themselves and worry about work, family, and how to get dinner on the table. Stop fucking with what I see on TV. If you are offended, change the channel. It takes less energy to press the button then it does to rally the troops to a bitch session. If anything, you won. You got a major corporation to pay 2.6 million dollars to show two guys kissing during the Super Bowl. How much more exposure could you ask for?
It is now time for America to stop worrying about what other people are doing and saying. Everything in this country is offensive to someone. Let it go! This brings me to finally bringing to light my new cause. I know it sounds hypocritical but this new regime can end all of this nonsense. I have to give credit to the Godfather of this movement, the great Chavez. Not the screwball “President” of Venezuela but the self proclaimed President of sanity. His movement is called POOP.
POOP stands for People Offended by Offended People. The title says it all. It is a change in the thought process of America. Instead of people complaining about whatever their pet project is and getting worked up enough to rally the lawyer army, it is bent on destroying those people. If someone in America is offended, so are we, but at them for being offended. If you can’t get a spine and realize that people are going to believe what they want without your annoying agenda, then you will be the victim of the POOP Army. We are committed to ridding America of whiny panty waists. We are committed to squashing the pariahs of complaints. We are committed to destroying the regime of terror that is Big Sister. Big Sister is like Big Brother except it is run by the cry baby underlings of America. The ones who complain about the way people act while doing the same thing. So join the POOP movement. Take a stand against the oppressors of freedom, the offended.
Let me break it to you turd burglars. No one gives a shit about your agenda. No one gives a shit about your feelings. And no one gives a shit that you may be offended. If your goal was to get equal rights for gays, you accomplished it years ago. People don’t hate gays. People hate the gay agenda. People are sick of being told they are homophobic because they don’t want to see two furry bears butt fuck each other on primetime television. The fact that I know that there is a term “Bear” for the big guy in the relationship means that you have succeeded. Now leave us alone. We don’t need you to shove your agenda down our throats.
Much like I don’t want to hear about the plight of Muslims in America, women’s rights, or some whiny ass white guy complaining about reverse discrimination. Get over it. You want to be accepted? Then go and lead a normal American life where people keep to themselves and worry about work, family, and how to get dinner on the table. Stop fucking with what I see on TV. If you are offended, change the channel. It takes less energy to press the button then it does to rally the troops to a bitch session. If anything, you won. You got a major corporation to pay 2.6 million dollars to show two guys kissing during the Super Bowl. How much more exposure could you ask for?
It is now time for America to stop worrying about what other people are doing and saying. Everything in this country is offensive to someone. Let it go! This brings me to finally bringing to light my new cause. I know it sounds hypocritical but this new regime can end all of this nonsense. I have to give credit to the Godfather of this movement, the great Chavez. Not the screwball “President” of Venezuela but the self proclaimed President of sanity. His movement is called POOP.
POOP stands for People Offended by Offended People. The title says it all. It is a change in the thought process of America. Instead of people complaining about whatever their pet project is and getting worked up enough to rally the lawyer army, it is bent on destroying those people. If someone in America is offended, so are we, but at them for being offended. If you can’t get a spine and realize that people are going to believe what they want without your annoying agenda, then you will be the victim of the POOP Army. We are committed to ridding America of whiny panty waists. We are committed to squashing the pariahs of complaints. We are committed to destroying the regime of terror that is Big Sister. Big Sister is like Big Brother except it is run by the cry baby underlings of America. The ones who complain about the way people act while doing the same thing. So join the POOP movement. Take a stand against the oppressors of freedom, the offended.
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