The New National Pastime

I never understood the reasoning behind why baseball is considered the “National Pastime”. Back in the 1920’s, when the only thing to do was watch baseball and bake pies, I could see its allure. However, in the present day, it is obvious that baseball ranks right down there with jumping rope and listening to Al Franken.

This is why I think we should no longer call baseball the national pastime. I am here forth, petitioning that the new national pastime be: Mowing down a Big Mac while driving your SUV and yapping on the cell phone. It can even be a sport. We could call it the Obnoxilon. Which is short for Obnoxious, annoying, selfish – athlon. We would rule the Olympics in this sport. Of course it would take 20 years for the athletes to be whittled down to only the top 10 in America but what a glorious moment it would be to see our finest big mouthed, obese, self-loathing Americans on the medal stand.