RIP English Language

Let me put on my Nostradamus beard and make a prediction.......

The English language will officially be dead in ten years.

America will soon have 35% of it's population over the age of 60. Unfortunately these people will soon be dead and with them will go the spoken language of America. How is this? Let's not even bring up the fact that most immigrants refuse to learn the language and many states are becoming bilingual because of this. Let's also throw out the fact that many Americans butcher the language (See Ebonics and our Wisconsin and Michigan residents). No, the death will come from the most innocent of people. People who are the future of America. Our children.

Between the internet, a pathetic school system, and instant messaging, our great means of communication has degraded to a chorus of single syllable grunts and vowel-less, thumb typed messages. The worst offender is the internet and forums. Unless you have been living in a tree for the last five years, you certainly are aware of internet forums (Formerly BBS'). These are a great addition to the internet and allow groups of people from all over to come together and discuss topics that interest them. There are forums for everything except proper English usage. These forums are usually overrun with people who not only cannot spell or use proper punctuation, but also can't use a spell-checker. They simply want to type their feelings in the least amount of time possible. Thus resulting in wonderful internet speak like "Oh Rly?" or "Chk ths out!!!!1". Of course when someone corrects them or accuses them of poor grammar, they retort "You understood me, I can spell but I choose not to care".

Instant messaging is the second worse offender. Kids love IM because it allows them to say whatever they want without the fear of sounding like a fool. You can type anything and if the recipient is offended, you can just type "j/k". Since communication is 90% body language, it is important to use excellent punctuation and grammar to get your point across. This just goes in one ear and out the other.

The third and most heinous offense is the one committed by the school systems. Not only do they not put a priority on English but they put a higher priority on foreign languages. The linchpin is that kids think that the only place they need to use good language skills is in school but the schools don't care. So not only do they use poor language skills on a daily basis but they aren't challenged to use them where they are supposed to be learning it.

Soon enough we won't have a language anymore. It will be a potpourri of grunts, three letter words, and misspellings. I guess that's okay since most parents cannot understand a word that their kids use when talking to their friends.

"Whatever, English ain't important if you can understand me anyways, right? Irregardless, I don't care anyways."

After typing that last line, I feel like cutting off my hands.