Cyborg Proliferation

Is there a permanent Star Trek convention going on in town? When did we become the laziest animal on the planet? It started with pagers.

Pagers were great because someone could let you know that they wanted to talk to you. Simple enough, right? If you wanted to call them back, you found a payphone or waited till you got home or to the office. No one ever died because they couldn't talk to you right away.

Then the cell phone was brought to the masses and businessmen were able to keep in contact with the office easily. Not too bad but the electronic leash was definitely tightened around our necks. Now everyone has a cell phone. This still isn't too bad except that people feel the constant need to be in contact with everyone. People in line at the DMV yapping away about the blouse they just bought in a voice loud enough to be heard by all.

Now we have Blackberries to see all those cool emails that Aunt Mitzie forwarded to us. You know the ones with the dancing baby we first saw 5 years ago. The newest convergence is MP3 cell phones. These are great because instead of people having to listen to your obnoxious phone call, they can listen to MP3's of their own obnoxious phone calls.

However, the worst invention being gobbled up by overweight tech nerds is the cyborg looking bluetooth headset. I know they enjoy hours of internet gaming with one hand on the mouse and the other in a bag of chips, permanently supplanted in their grandma's old chair, but when did holding a cell phone to your ear become as strenuous as a marathon? Is it that hard to reach in your pocket and hold the phone for a few minutes? Or even all the way to your belt where the phone resides, like the trophy you never won at the Math Decathlon.

Now I can understand the point of the headset. I understand the point of it being wireless. I don't understand the point of keeping the headset permanently affixed to your ear. Why are you walking around with a earring shaped like a Star Trek transceiver? Here is a piece of advice. You are not that important! Much like the cellphone attached to your belt, your cyborg earring is not making you any more attractive to the opposite sex. So please remove the loser tag from your ear, toss it on the ground, and stomp it with your new pair of Keds. Before I do it for you.