The Unfriendly Skys

Do you remember back when flying somewhere was actually an enjoyable experience? Me neither. When I was a kid I always wondered why adults hated flying so much. Maybe it’s because I was half the size of a full size adult. Or that I always got to sit in front. Or that I always got on first and got off first. Or that I got all of the attention of the stewardesses because I was always flying alone. I’m pretty sure it’s the fact that airlines suck nowadays. The seats are smaller than the smallest adult can fit in. Then you get screwed by getting a middle seat-the 4 letter word of flying. The food is deplorable. How hard is it to fuck up a snack box? Well I have a box of raisins, wheat crackers and some sort of parmesan cheese spread that says it is possible. I understand the need for me to shut off my cell phone before takeoff. Shit I would ask everyone to shut them off before they get onboard. But asking me to turn of my mp3 player is stupid. I don’t need to learn how to fasten a seatbelt and if my electronic device is interfering with the cockpit then I am pretty sure the terrorists would be exploiting this iPod loophole of security already. Oh the movie will make me feel better about sitting in a lawn chair for 4 hours. It would except that the 6 overhead TV’s are older than I am and the tracking on the VCR is jacked up. Not sure why but I am able to watch an entire season of Entourage on the MP3 player but this multi-million dollar jet doesn’t have a DVD player? Then there is the redeye. What is worse, being awake during one of these 4 hour flights or trying to sleep on one? Nothing like waking up to your face stuck to some blue pleather and hoping the drool on your shirt is yours and not from the fatty next you.