Are You in Pain?

Why do men grunt in the bathroom? It seems like this is becoming a common habit among uncivilized men in public facilities. I’m not sure which grunt is worse; the urinal mini, machinegun grunt or the deep sigh, taking a dump grunt.

The stall grunt seems almost acceptable. Why? Well you are pushing something out of your ass. Second, no one knows who you are so you have complete anonymity to do your best Venus Williams impersonation. The problem is that everyone knows you’re taking a crap. I personally try and draw as little attention to myself when the big dog is scratching at the back door. I am actually embarrassed by a loud fart not overly proud like most men.

The urinal is a completely different story. First off you’re taking a piss. Unless you have a prostate the size of a softball, there really is no effort involved. There is no need to push because it practically comes out on its own once you loosen the levee. The biggest issue I have is the fact that you are out in the open and next to other men. Your grunting and pushing could easily be confused with you diddly oscillating your weiner; something that should never, ever be perceived as happening in a public place. Plus you look like a jackhole since grunting goes hand in hand with the pelvis thrust.

Guys, let’s keep the noises to a minimum in the bathroom.