The Big Game

As you may know by now, I don’t usually right about certain things. Politics, Religion, and Sports have pretty much been off the table. Not because I’m not a fan of these or that I don’t have an opinion, it’s just that my opinions are always right and therefore many of you would get very upset to find out your long held belief of Jesus as your savior is simply debunked by the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

With that said; I am taking a reprieve from my reprieve and talking about football today. With “The Big Game” looming in 2 weeks, it seems appropriate to expound on the two teams making the journey down to Castro’s Beverly Hills (That’s Miami folks). Let’s start with the Bears.

I pretty much hate the Bears. Why? Because they aren’t the lovable, defensively oriented team that everyone wants to love. They stink. They play in the weakest Division in the weakest Conference. They get 2 games a year against the Packers, Vikings, and Lions. They also played one of the weakest schedules in the NFL. When they do play someone over .500 they tend to get their asses beat (The Saints gave them the game on a Crisco covered platter). I can appreciate the team but I am sick of the ballywhooing by the media on how good they are and the bitching that their fans do that they don’t get any respect. I also can’t stand Wrecks Grossman. What a shitty NFL quarterback. I always wonder if his Offensive Line gets in cahoots with the defense to get him pummeled now and then. The Bears Defense must hate having to save his ass every game.

The Colts. What can I say? I hate the Colts. Actually I just hate Peyton “Paycheck” Manning. I know he works hard and is a great guy. After all, the fucking media won’t shut up about that. But I want to kick him in the nuts every time he starts dancing around like a cracked out, schizoid, marionette. Just hike the fucking ball Paycheck! We all know you aren’t doing anything back there. Save your energy for your next commercial you fucking sellout.

So who do I root for? I root for a six beer buzz and some chicken wings. If the Bears win, my Stepdad is happy and so is this crazy reverend I know in Chicago (Muckology, try it). So I should root for the Bears so they can be happy? Hell no. Neither knows jack about football and therefore cannot appreciate what it takes to win. They shall suffer. So I am rooting for the Colts? Hell no! I hate Peyton Manning so much, I don’t want to hear the never ending barrage of media flip from “He can’t win the big one” to “He’s the greatest of all time”. So I have two choices. The game can be tied to eternity and never end until all the players drop dead. Or, a more plausible choice, the Colt’s win but Paycheck goes out in the first quarter with an in grown pube and cannot return except to watch the big one get away again but in a most ironic fashion.

Or maybe I’ll go wine tasting.